Loving the wrong girl

So lost in her mesmerising beauty,
I lay as a puppet in her hand.
Her small reactions meant a world to me.
Loving the wrong girl made me blind.

Blinded to see what actually was happening.
I was being a mere puppet in her hand.
Little did I know how my friends were feeling.
They knew she was playing with me.

They advised me about my wrong choice,
But I was blinded by my own love towards her.
I was just a fool following my own nightmare.
Nightmare I was yet to be introduced with.

Never knew when I became addicted to her.
I started giving her more important,
I hardly gave my friends any time.
I hardly thought about anything else than about her.

Her likes and dislike became mine,
Her happiness became my goal,
She was like a poisoned red wine,
Destroying me by every sip I take of it.

I was losing myself in the process of loving her.
I was sacrificing more than I was gaining out of it.
I was doing it all for i was scared of losing her,
Although I was the only one who was trying to keep it going.

I ended up being exhausted in the relationship.
I have bargin in more than I can take.
It started hampering my academic life.
I can hardly digest exam were near.

It was class 12 examination,
A turning point in my life,
This exam would decide where I would be,
College or be a highschool dropout in life.

Lost between love and career I was,
Decision was needed to be made from my side.
A nightmare was lurking just behind 1 month.
A nightmare of deciding my life with examination.

When the final time comes even our shadow leaves us behind,
She left me for someone who had a job.
She left her school life to get married.
I was left here wondering what a fool I was.

Since time was less I did my best,
I ended up getting just passed.
The nightmare falled upon me,
The nightmare of being nobody in future.

Felt like a plastic bag on a windy day,
Blown away without any known destination.
Seeing my friends go to colleges far away,
Made me sad for I knew I deserved to be with them.

Blessed I was with such a loving family,
They saw a dream for me which I had to conqure.
Although it was hard for my family budget,
I was enrolled in a private school.

This time I was convinced I needed to study hard,
One year at private school was a second chance I got.
A chance to prove myself my worth.
A chance to conqure the dream.

A long awaited dream finally became real.
When I was selected for CST.
Hardwork works like magic if you do it.
A year worth of hardwork beared its fruit.

I never learned how to let it go,
I never knew how to do it again,
I never thought I would also be one.
Now I suffer from Philophobia.

A beautiful word to express,
Express the fear of being in love again.

                            Thank you...